By Sister Vi De Mesa
“In this age and time when Filipinos are being encouraged to pursue their own dreams and plans, individualism is no longer viewed negatively. That works in our favor of saying yes or no when we want to and when we have to, so go ahead. Take heart! Things are only difficult in the beginning but when we get the ‘hang of it’ especially when we realize that we can if we persist, it is all downhill.”
The writers of the book “Boundaries” tell us we need to take control of our lives by learning how to say no when we want to and when we have to.
But we Filipinos have 3 social values that could strongly prevent us from saying no. These social values are amoral – the good or bad they can bring depends on our perspective.
So, viewing them from their vantage view could be beneficial but considering their potential to be a hindrance to us in taking control of our lives could be an eye opener to us, to our benefit.
What are these social values and how do they basically operate on us Filipinos through culture and/or tradition?
1. Pakikisama or pakikipag-kapwa tao –
Our culture frowns on Filipinos who seem to have their way of doing things individually and not collectively as our society expects. So we are “forced” to say yes or no in order to conform.
2. Nakakahiya –
Our culture lauds people who “toe the line” for fear of being different in a negative way. This is good if we are actually out of line but not good if used to intimidate us from doing what we want especially if we happen to be in line.
3. Utang ng loob –
Western people handle favors on a one-to-one basis. I do you a favor and when you do me a favor, we are quits. Eastern people particularly Filipinos handle it differently. One favor could go down to several generations. We really cannot go against this, so I strongly suggest we refrain from asking or even receiving favors in order for others not to have “one on us.”
We need to be self-sufficient in order for the power of utang ng loob to be quelled down. If we are not knowledgeable or competent, we would be better off equipping ourselves instead of asking favors from others, which is the easy way out.
Equipping ourselves may take the long and hard road, but it pays long term dividends. It is really a win-win strategy in life. So, let us avoid putting ourselves in situations where we become losers.
In this age and time when Filipinos are being encouraged to pursue their own dreams and plans, individualism is no longer viewed negatively. That works in our favor of saying yes or no when we want to and when we have to, so go ahead. Take heart! Things are only difficult in the beginning but when we get the ‘hang of it’ especially when we realize that we can if we persist, it is all downhill.
God bless us!
About Sister Vi
Sister Vi is a fulltime worker of the Filipino Christian Church of Abu Dhabi since 1993. Her major responsibility is to construct lessons to help the church members in their knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ as well as in their spiritual growth. Other responsibilities are conducting trainings, counseling and secretarial functions as needed.
