Aristotle said “love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” Loving someone is something that is universal and experienced by many.
But not all couples are given the chance to be with their partners, just like overseas Filipino workers and expats in the UAE.
Because lovers have to spend time apart, possible problems arise. Aside from dealing with the usual conflicts that couples deal with, distance and different time zones are additions to their struggle to keep up with the romance.
Long distance relationship is hard, but couples can make it work and build a lasting relationship.
Main problems of being in a long-distance relationship and how to fix it
1-Stalling. Sociologist Clifford Sorita told The Filipino Times that one of the main problems that LDR couples face is the possibility of stagnancy in their relationship.
“Kapag ang isang tao nasa ibang lugar, maraming plano ang hindi na pag-uusapan nang maayos. Siyempre, iba ‘yung magkasama kayong dalawa; na pag-uusapan niyo nang tama at consistent ang mga plano niyo. Eh kaso kapag ang isang tao pumupunta sa ibang lugar, nagiging on hold ‘yon. ‘Yon ‘yung nagiging problema – hindi mo alam kung ma-mo-move forward or matutuloy ba ‘yung mga plano,” Sorita told TFT.
What’s the fix? Sorita said that one way to fix this problem is to find time so that a couple can still have the chance to catch up with one another.
“Despite your hectic schedule, you should always find time for each other. Kinakailangan talaga na you have the effort of using your spare moments trying to talk to your partner kahit na malayo siya. Marami namang paraan ngayon. Eto lang tandaan mo, kung gusto, gagawa ka ng paraan, at kung ayaw mo, gagawa ka ng dahilan,” he said.
2-Growing apart. Sorita said that in a relationship, couples must grow and experience life together, one of the things that LDR couples fail to achieve.
“Ang problema, because you are physically apart, you also grow apart. Hindi mo alam kung ano na ‘yung development nung isa. Minsan, ang matinding danger kasi ng growing apart from each other kung pag-iisipan mong maigi, is mabibigyan ka ng sense of independency. Maiisip mo, ‘Do I still need him? Magiging single na lang ako kasi kaya ko namang mag-isa’. ‘Yung tipong masyado nang nag-grow mag-isa,” Sorita said.
What’s the fix? Sorita recommended that couples must have a list of goals that they would like to achieve together.
“You should set goals together kahit malayo kayo. Ang problema kasi, when you are growing apart, you get to independent up to the point that your partner is no longer in the equation. What you should do is you set goals with one another para kahit malayo kayong dalawa, you still have milestones to achieve,” he said.
3-Jealousy. Jealousy can be triggered by different causes such as a simple Facebook post. Sorita said that this becomes a problem because jealousy can lead to a partner being impulsive in a relationship. “Huwag ka maging imbestigador ng bayan. Ang relasyon mo, hindi dapat iniimbestigahan ‘yan. Sa kaka-imbestiga mo, nasisira na ‘yung relasyon niyong dalawa,” he said.
What’s the fix? Sorita said that trust enables two persons to respect each other’s space and revert them to the love that they feel for each other..
“You should learn to trust your partner. Mahirap talaga ‘yan pero whenever you feel jealousy, you ask yourself why are you being jealous, kasi it will arouse the emotion in you and, therefore, you are reminded of the fact that you love the person.”
4-Peer and familial pressure. Family members and friends can sometimes be one-sided when giving pieces of advice to LDR couples. Sometimes, their advice can lead to unnecessary thoughts and false notions.
What’s the fix? Simply talk to your partner, that was Sorita’s main advice.
“Don’t talk to your friends. Kasi ang mga friends, mga sulsolero ‘yan. Talk to your partner first, huwag sa friends mo. Ang family kasi minsan nagdadagdag din ‘yan sa bulung-bulungan eh.
“Okay lang naman na kausapin mo sila kasi kailangan mo rin naman ng sounding board, pero eventually, it has to be your partner pa rin na kakausapin mo,” he said.
5-Internal doubts. No phone calls, no text messages, indifferent replies – these small things may cause a person to think that something is wrong in the relationship, even if there’s none. It is a little harder to solve because of the fact that the couple are far away from each other.
What’s the fix? Sorita advised that couples should be rational when it comes to judging their partner who is overseas.
“Talian mo ‘yung imagination mo. Minsan kasi ang tao kung saan-saan tumatakbo imagination niyan. Meron lang katabing ibang tao, umaandar na ‘yung imagination niyan. ‘Wag ganon; don’t let your imagination go wild.”
“Kapag may nakita ka, ask your partner. ‘Love, may nakita akong kasama ka, sino ‘yon?’ Mga ganon lang.”
6-Comparing financial responsibility. For the married couples, it is only normal for the other one to feel inferior when the OFW partner provides more.
“If you are working abroad for the sake of your relationship, I don’t think this thing should be an issue. Kung iniisip niyong dalawa ang future niyo together, then it is a good thing. Ang problema lang ay kapag hindi niyo nakikita ang sarili niyo in that context; kapag hindi niyo kayang mapaghiwalay sa isa’t isa.
“To tell you the honest truth, you love each other pero hindi mo naman pwedeng pambayad ang pag-ibig sa groceries o kaya sa mga gastusin. Hindi naman pwedeng pumunta sa mall at sabihing ang pambayad mo ay pag-ibig.”
What’s the fix? Sorita told TFT that he sees no problem in the situation since the OFW partner is doing the sacrifices for their family. The partner left in the country need not to compare their responsibilities, but instead focus to be of help in sustaining their financial needs.
“All of this is just part of the relationship; it helps you grow and mature. Ang relationship naman is not just just about emotional stability. This thing should be part of the process. You just have to learn to live with it.”
7-Miscommunication. “Noong araw, hindi nag-wo-work ang LDR kasi walang mga communication tools, pero napakadami na ngayon. Noong araw din, ang mahal-mahal ng travel fee. Travel now has been democratized. These are two things that can be resolved by the couple. Kaya hindi siya nag-wo-work noong araw kasi may absence eh, but not anymore. Technology has allowed us to be able to overcome these challenges,” Sorita said.
What’s the fix? According to Stephen Covey, most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.
Miscommunication often stems from the lack of willingness of the partner to fully understand the other. Most often than not, when the partner nags at the person, the receiver may tend to be defensive, which may lead to a heated argument.
In this case, Sorita said couples should utilize the power of technology and other means.
