Throughout their upbringing, four siblings often faced questions about why they looked different. Despite the awkward stares and judgemental comments, Dubai-based Mhellow Valdez, not her real name, shares her unique story of how and why she ended up having four kids from three different fathers.
Everyone wants a happy love story with their significant other, but not all of us get the privilege to experience it. For Valdez, the happy romance with the men that she chased after eluded her for the longest time. Her twisted point of view about love started at a young age.
“Nagkaisip ako, ‘nung parents ko, although very loving sila sa aming mga magkakapatid, palagi silang nag-aaway. Nagigising nalang ako, nagkakalampagan yung mga kaldero, nagliliparan yung mga gamit,” she shared.
“Yung daddy ko naman, babaero. Parang natanim sa murang isip ko na, ‘Ay, ganyan pala ang mga lalaki. Ganyan lang pala makipagrelasyon.’”
“Sobrang dream ko talaga na magkaroon ng buong family,” Valdez yearned, but all her relationships were not successful.
Searchee no.1: Intern at the construction company
Valdez shared her journey with her first husband from a construction company while she worked at her parents’ canteen nearby. When she became pregnant with his child, they were urged to tie the knot in September 1990, but even in the beginning, she did not find happiness in a toxic relationship.
“Sa first husband ko na ‘yun, nakita ko na andami niyang bisyo. Saka babaero, ayan na ang kinaka-hate ko nung bata pa ako, tas personal ko pang na-experience,” she said. She also said that there was a point when her then husband was fired from work.
They soon split up without even making it to one year because of the man’s “irresponsibility.”
“After 6 months palang ng paghihiwalay namin ni first husband, nagsama na sila nung japayuki, ‘yun naging asawa na niya. Wala na rin kaming chance na magkabalikan dahil may anak na rin sila,” Valdez said. Meanwhile, she left her first child in her parents’ care.
Searchee no.2: The Andrew E look-alike
After a while, phone pals became trending in the Philippines, and Valdez’ romantic hopes bloomed once more. “Sa susunod, pangit na nga ang hahanapin ko. Ayoko na ng pogi kasi sobra na nga akong na-traumatized. Ayoko na talaga sa babaero,” Valdez said, referencing Andrew E’s lyrics: ‘Humanap ka ng pangit at ibigin mong tunay.’
“So after almost seven years, nagkaroon ako ng phone pal. Ang ganda ng boses niya,” she narrated. “So ayan, nakilala ko siya sa Divisoria, at wow, kamukha nga ni Andrew E!”
“Pero siguro ito naman ‘yung pinapanalangin ko,” she said, still yearning for a complete family.
She bore him two children, but she still did not get her happy ending despite this. She learned from her in-law that her second boyfriend had an affair—with a 17-year-old. “Sobrang sakit, mas masakit pa sa first kasi nakabuntis na siya,” Valdez said.
She accepted her second boyfriend’s apologies because their two kids were still young. Later, the man found a job in Singapore, where he also found another woman.
To move on from another failed relationship, Valdez left her second and third kids in her parents’ care and moved to Macau, where she met the father of her fourth child.
Searchee no.3: The Igorot
In Macau, she met an Igorot, whom she thought would be the last man in her life. After bearing him a child, Valdez had to return to the Philippines to take care of her fourth child.
Soon after, she learned that her Igorot boyfriend was having an affair with another woman in Macau. “So, pinapili ko siya: ‘Uuwi ka at iiwanan mo ang babae mo d’yan o hindi mo na rin kami makikita ng anak mo?‘” The man decided to move back to the country and bring her to his hometown in La Trinidad, Benguet.
Valdez recounted the story about how her boyfriend had a lot of vices. She shared the many nights when she had to deal with him coming home drunk every night and would constantly argue with him.
One night, Valdez knelt down on her knees, begging him to change. “Sabi ko, ‘Pakiusap, magbago ka na. Gusto ko ng buong pamilya. Huli ko na ‘to.’”
“Na konsiyensiya pa ako, iniwan ko pa yung dalawa kong anak sa Maynila para makabuo tayo ng pamilya. Tapos ganito lang iaano mo samin. Tinira pa naman kami sa liblib na puro sayote lang ang paligid,” she shared.
“Tiniis ko ‘yun. Sanay ako sa buhay Maynila tas dinala ako dun pero alang-alang sa pagbabago para sa pamilya, nagsakripisyo ako,” she added.
After one intense fight when he chased her out with a knife in his hand, Valdez decided to find opportunities abroad and work in South Korea with the help of one of her friends.
Her happy ending
“Hindi ako sumusuko na makakatagpo ako ng lalaki na makakabuo sa akin as family,” Valdez said. However, up until now, she still could not get a love story ending where she ended up with the man of her dreams. “Lagi nalang ako nagpe-pray sa Diyos. Please i-rescue niyo na ‘ko sa ganitong sitwasyon. Tama na, pagod na pagod na ako na umasa lang sa lalaki ng happiness, ng love.”
After working several jobs in South Korea, all of her children, who have grown up, found jobs in Dubai and needed her help to care for her grandkids. She grabbed the chance to move to Dubai and be with her kids and grandkids.
“Dito, nasa bahay lang kami. Online school lang ang mga bata at i-ga-guide lang sila,” she shared. “Ang ganda, parang dream come true. Wala rin kami ritong masyadong issue.”
She also shared how she left behind her previous life of constantly seeking happiness in relationships with men. “Ito, kalmado na ang buhay ko rito. Wala akong boyfriend,” Valdez said.
“Ang sikreto ay contentment and simplify our lives,” she said. “And ‘yun nga keep on seeking God’s Word first at ‘yung spiritwal naman ‘yung uunahin.”
Her advice for women in similar situations, who also have children from different fathers: “Mahirap din namang i-judge natin or mag-advice tayo kasi iba rin naman ang situations nila.”
“Pero ang bottom line dyan ay ‘yung our Creator,” Valdez said. “It’s not too late na mag-ask tayo ng guidance sa Diyos.”
“Siya ang author ng family, so Siya ang nakakaalam,” she added. “Sa Diyos lang talaga tayo makakatakbo at magmamakaawa na hindi natin kaya ’to ng ating sarili.”
