Picture this: you enter a restaurant, you are greeted by enthusiastic servers and asked this question: “table for how many?” and you proudly answer, “table for one.”
Does this scenario remind you of someone? Well, it’s you, it’s me, and it’s a big number of our population today — where many people are seen doing things alone and actually enjoying them.
However, in a world fueled by social media connections, there often exists an unwarranted stigma around experiencing life alone. A recent viral photo sheds light on this issue, demonstrating how perceptions can be misleading.
A netizen’s post, showing a solitary diner and evoking sympathy, triggered a debate that resonated with many overseas Filipinos accustomed to independent living far from their families.
The girl in the photo, however, clarified that she knew the uploader and that the picture was meant for fun.
The aftermath of the pandemic has spurred a newfound appreciation for solitary endeavors.
Restaurants accommodate solo diners, apartments house an increasing number of individuals living alone, and solo shopping is embraced as therapeutic. And most importantly, the status of being single later in life has undergone a positive shift.
Table for one
Going back to our scenario: the waiter serves you a plate full of steak. You feel the excitement as you are about to relish it all by yourself — walang kahati, walang kaagaw.
This scene is the exact same feeling that Jordanne, a 28-year-old lawyer at Laygo Caliuag Barrantes Law Offices, enjoys.
As a legal professional shuttling between the Philippines and the UAE for business prospects, Caliuag embraces the opportunity to savor various cuisines and coffee cultures in her new surroundings.
Living near the Abu Dhabi World Trade Center, she felt a curiosity to explore the restaurants within and around the vicinity. Having grown up in Saudi Arabia, her culinary journey included a quest to savor authentic shawarmas.
“Since I grew up in Saudi Arabia, I wanted to try shawarmas. I wasn’t alone when I tried my first ones, but there were days when I explored on my own,” Caliuag said.
“As a person who loves to eat, I enjoy exploring these places with the people important to me and by myself. In experiencing the new discoveries in terms of food and beverages around the area, there is also an extent of self-discovery that is unique in every place and time. I’m hoping that by eating and discovering coffee places alone, I grow, not only by weight but also in terms of self-awareness and maturity,” Caliuag added.
The act of engaging in activities alone has often been tinged with notions of isolation or unease. Dining solo, for instance, once carried a stigma, particularly among those born in the 80s who felt scrutinized for their solitary meals.
However, times have changed, and solo dining has become a growing trend across the globe.
A recent study by NPD, a market research firm, revealed that solo diners accounted for 15.4 billion visits to restaurants in the United States, marking a 1 percent increase from the previous year.
The story of Caliuag and others like her highlights a shift in societal paradigms. The narrative of solo exploration is transitioning from one of isolation to one of empowerment.
For Caliuag, a part of her enjoys dining alone because of her nonconformist personality. She believes that having a ‘table for one’ or a ‘ticket for one’ should not be a big deal.
“The satisfaction of being alone for me stems from being able to take my time to observe things and enjoy them as they are, and at my own pace. Accomplishing things without the restraint and the limitations of having another’s company is also a plus,” she said.
“However, the most important value for me is still the level of independence that it portrays, not only to others but also to myself. I am not just reminded that I can do these things, but empowered that I am enough, as we should all feel,” she quipped.
So whenever she has the chance to travel in the country, she makes sure to try out different food spots, whether in the company of someone or just her own.
With each venture taken independently, individuals are challenging the misconceptions tied to solitary pursuits and redefining the essence of personal freedom.
Solo means serenity
Now, you bill out and you head over to your apartment. You swipe your key, and you enter a whole room all to yourself.
The serenity of being alone is embraced by Abegail Caingcoy, 33, Purchasing Supervisor at Sheraton Creek Hotel and Towers, who lives in an apartment in Dubai by herself.
“The company where I’ve been working for about 9 years now provides us with an accommodation facility where each of the employees gets a single room. Having a whole room to myself gives me the peace I need after a stressful day at work. Also, with no one else messing up my room, cleaning it becomes easier,” Caingcoy said.
Living independently fosters her self-reliance, instills maturity, and facilitates deeper moments of connection with her faith through devoted reflection.
“Many OFWs, like myself, do things alone due to geographical distance from our families. This experience nurtures our independence. As for me, even if I move to another company where there is no accommodation entitlement, I will still find a single room to rent if I am still single and not married,” she stated.
Solo shopping adventure
This time, imagine you have a 1000-dirham bill: can you think of all the things you want to spend it with?
With a continuous stream of trendy designer bags, must-have shoes, and cool gadgets being released non-stop, would you rather have the money all to yourself or would you be willing to split it with someone else?
Living solo and spending things for yourself does not make you selfish — it allows you to splurge on things that you don’t only need but also want.
That is why Crizelda Lopena, 37, who works as a Customer Service Agent at Unilabs, considers shopping alone a “me time” where she can be in control of every buying decision.
“Importante sa akin ang ‘me time’ kasi introvert ako. I prefer to shop alone for the fact that it takes time for me to decide if I will buy a certain thing or not, as I am always looking for that ‘spark’ when buying an item,” Lopena shared.
Whether shopping for clothes, shoes, or groceries, Lopena enjoys her freedom in doing this by herself, as compared to when shopping with someone where she ends up buying things she doesn’t really like.
“Shopping alone makes me buy whatever I want. Through this, I have all the time in the world to just keep on looking until I find what I want. If you are with someone, they will ask you if you will really buy it as it doesn’t look good on you or it is not worth the money,” she added.
Solitude as a form of art
And it doesn’t stop there. Being solo also gives you the freedom to choose to do whatever you want and take control of anything, including your time and even the form of your art.
Art takes diverse forms, with some creators thriving in collaboration while others find their masterpieces in solitude.
David Burdeos, 26, a station agent at Keolis MHI and an aspiring photographer, found his photography prowess through solo pursuits.
Initially documenting school activities and collaborating on side projects, he truly blossomed when he ventured into street photography.
“Regardless of expertise or requirements, whenever I go for a solo photo walk, it is inevitable to have an afterthought for every picture that had been captured, and that’s what I’m going for,” Burdeos shared.
“Photo walks done alone help me to introspect and reflect on those thoughts. It sets no boundaries, solitarily retreating into myself, and taking great pleasure in my own company. These two points might sound selfish but helpful in a way that sets me back to reality with a full positive mind,” he added.
Meanwhile, Jency Tiamzon, 27, discovered the world of journaling as a solitary endeavor that fuels creativity. For the sales support engineer at Jubaili Bros, the act of pausing and reflecting, uninterrupted by distractions, forms a space where time is infinite.
Tiamzon admitted that she is not used to being alone in public. However, moving abroad made her realize that there is happiness in doing things alone.
“Doing journal alone kind of puts me in a world where time is non-existent. There are times when I would do my journal for hours without even realizing it,” Tiamzon said.
Dedicated to uncovering new aspects of herself, she designed a special corner in her home for her creative ventures. Additionally, she often finds herself crafting journals in public spots while awaiting her husband.
When questioned about the normalization of solitary activities, she confidently expressed, “As an OFW, there will be times when we’ll have no choice but to do things alone, and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about it. In fact, one should be proud that their ability to do and enjoy things is not dependent on anyone.”
Self-love club
Now let’s take ourselves in another familiar scenario: you attend a family reunion (which you are dreading to go to), you spot a tita and avoid her in any way you can. But you failed your mission and she goes in to hug you and ask you a question you don’t want to hear — “kailan ka mag-aasawa?”
If this is you, you’re not alone, and it’s okay to be alone. As a matter of fact, in the latest census of the Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA), a whopping 39.7% were never married.
One of them is Jeslyn Flores, a 30-something senior clinical dietitian at RH-DAHC, who lives as a single woman in the UAE.
According to her, being single isn’t a flaw, and solitude doesn’t equate to loneliness.
“I have been single for quite a while now but being single for me is not a flaw, I just prefer not to enter into a relationship that isn’t from God,” Flores stated.
She finds that embracing solo experiences grants her the freedom to explore her own identity. Rather than evoking loneliness, being alone provides her with a sense of serenity and contentment.
“Our society has conditioned our minds that having a partner would make our lives complete, happy, and successful. Yes, it is true for many people, but it is a preference for some. Being single is a big ‘OK,’ and there is nothing to be embarrassed about it. At the end of the day, it is not your relationship status that will define you,” she emphasized.
From the experts’ POV
And it’s not just us who says it’s okay. In fact, experts say it should be normalized.
“Doing things alone should be normalized. There is absolutely no need to be embarrassed about it because, first of all, the people we encounter in public are usually too preoccupied thinking about their own lives to be spending their mental energy judging you,” said Transformational Life Coach Alexandra Reyes.
She explained that apart from enjoying the independence it gives, doing things on your own also helps you to build your self-esteem so that your sense of self-worth isn’t tied to others or what they think of you.
“It allows you to nurture your relationship with yourself which is just as important, if not more so than nurturing your relationships with others. This is because you can never be fully present as your authentic self with others if you don’t have a good relationship with yourself,” she stated.
“At the same time, we must also be careful that this doesn’t evolve into hyper-independence, which can lead to other challenges in maintaining your wellbeing and relationships with others. Having a healthy balance is key,” she added.
Meanwhile, Camilla Iman, Founder/CEO of a Non-Profit Organization and a Life Coach, said that stepping into the unknown and exploring new horizons by ourselves, be it for leisure or work purposes, is an amazing opportunity to foster personal growth and development.
“When we go solo, we gain confidence in our ability to rely on ourselves and discover talents that we’ve never heard of before, which can take us to new places. May it be overcoming a fear, learning a new skill, or simply stepping outside of our comfort zones. Doing things alone can help us become a more confident and resilient person and also allows us to relax and learn more about ourselves,” Iman said.
So if you are planning to do things alone for the first time or you are a master of this craft, Transformational Life Coach Alexandra leaves you with this: “Venture out in public with confidence, and don’t limit yourself because of what other people with insecurities might think of you.”
Now close your eyes and join us in this piece of imagination. Have these thoughts happened to weigh you down? Relax — you can now take a deep breath, and exhale all the burden out. You are okay. You are perfect, even if you are all by yourself.
Looking for activities you can do alone in the UAE? We’ve made a list for you! Check it out here: Single? Fun activities you can do alone in the UAE (and possibly make new friends)
