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Pasko na… ano’ng kwento ng padala mo?

It’s that time of the year when Pinoys across the UAE will once again play Santa to their loved ones back home, making their list, checking it twice.

There’s more to it than being Santa actually as these nine stories of Christmas stored in a balikbayan box will show. The fun and not-so-fun part of it – and it goes something like:

pasta na naging pansit pa

1. Pasta na naging pansit pa. So, the plan is Kuya and Ate from the UAE will send a box full of corned beef, pasta sauce and all the imported groceries for the Christmas Noché  Buena.  Everyone is excited. But ooops! Really nice except that the box, which would have everything to make it happen, has not arrived and it’s already 5pm of the 24th!   No worries. There’s always a Plan B: Lucky Me noodles from Aling Elma’s sari-sari store…lista mo na rin muna!

How not to make this happen: Send your balikbayan box early. Be mindful of schedules and shipping time.

bonifacio day palang Noche Buena na

2. Bonifacio Day pa lang Noché Buena na. This one’s for the books. It has happened not a few times in the past actually as overseas Filipino workers (OFWs), avoid the rush and do an early bird special. Nothing wrong except that the bird got in a bit too early and everyone back home got overexcited, shredded the box to pieces and hit the pots to do a really nice dinner.  But hey wait! It’s Nov. 30 for crying out loud!

How not to make this happen: Don’t send your balikbayan box TOO early.

sapatos ko kuya

3. Sapatos ko kuya.  Finally, after logging in probably nore than a hundred hours in Skype, Facebook private messenger and whatsapp about his favorite pair of Nike shoes, your brother got his Christmas wish: the Nike shoes. He loves it really…more so if it fits him right.

How not to this happen: In the yonder days, what they do is have the kid step on a piece of paper, get a pen and follow his foot’s contour with it, then head to the shoe store. But since mobile phone screen shots would not make for actual print out size, the best way to go is grab a ruler and measure the kid’s foot – length by width.       

4. Amoy ulam ka na ba? Funny how the Paul Stuart or Brooks Brothers shirts that your dad sent you from Dubai smell like yesterday’s sautéed Spanish sardines. Figures, they were packed together with the cooking oil and condiments whose lid or cap popped open because the box had some battering on its way to your place, thrown here and there, at times rolling down by itself.

How not to make this happen: It doesn’t take rocket science to figure out that rolling a strip of adhesive tape around the bottle’s cap and neck and putting them in a smaller box inside the balikbayan box will do the trick.

5. ‘Nay… may surprise! Some OFWs probably just couldn’t resist the urge to go round the system and make more by sneaking in money or jewelry in the balikbayan box hidden in between shoe soles for instance  or even chocolate packages. This is an old one that probably has its roots in that story about a grandpa who has passed on and went  home to Manila in a box. Read the letter of the grandpa’s son who supervised his remains’ repatriation: “Ate, sa higaan ni tatay ay may isang case ng Spam para kina Kuya. Yung sapatos nya…Ferragamo yan ha..ka-size ni Tyong Bio…” And so on.”

Warning: Doing this is risky. First it is not allowed and second, any loss in not claimable with the courier company.

6. My Patchi tastes like Tide!  This, sort of, upped the ante on the sautéed Spanish sardines, really. Basic mistakes of first-time balikbayan boxers is stacking things a la “to whom it may concern,” meaning everything’s mixed together with no segregation. And so, chocolates were sitting next to two-kilo boxes of laundry soap; and there they were, together for weeks, getting along so well Patchi started tasting like Tide.

How not to make this happen: Segregate. Segregate. Segregate.  Wrap the chocolates tight.

bakit sa kanyan ganyan

7. Bakit sa kanya ganyan, sa’kin ito lang?  Yes. Breaks an OFW’s heart to learn that not everybody was happy with what he had managed to save and send home.

What to do: Hit the “Reward-Punishment” button. Tell them that those who do good in school, for instance, get a nice one; better yet, tell them that those who get in touch with you more often, and not just come to you when they need something, get the best.

8. Christmas money gone with the wind. This  happens when the money and OFW sent got his or her loved ones ahead of Christmas and was actually meant for some Noché  Buena shopping… and the likes.

How not to make this happen: See No. 2.

9. Busog sila… ako hindi. The mother of lamentations every OFW has to go through during the Christmas holidays. Having sent all the money home for their loved ones to have decent food on the table for the occasion, they realize on Christmas Eve, they actually have enough for DEWA!

What to do: Save a little for yourself – it’s not a sin. 

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