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6 things that make you unlikable

Have you ever bumped into someone who seems to have all the charm in the world and start to wonder is being a people magnet in born or something you can develop? The answer is the latter.

By Anne Llora Santos

Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that being likable comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few—the good looking, the fiercely social, and the incredibly talented. In reality, being likable is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).

In a study conducted at UCLA published by Forbes.com, subjects rated over 500 descriptions of people based on their perceived significance to likability. The top-rated descriptors had nothing to do with being gregarious, intelligent, or attractive (innate characteristics). Instead, the top descriptors were sincerity, transparency, and capable of understanding (another person).

Here are six traits that you should definitely veer away if you are trying to become a people person.

1. Humble-bragging.

We all know those people who like to brag about themselves behind the mask of self-deprecation. For example, the gal who makes fun of herself for being a nerd when she really wants to draw attention to the fact that she’s smart or the guy who makes fun of himself for having a strict diet when he really wants you to know how healthy and fit he is. Some people think if they appear low key and try to subtly brag they’d be likeable but in reality, it is obvious that their just seeking for praise and it comes a little off.

2. Being too serious.

People gravitate toward those who are passionate. That said, it’s easy for passionate people to come across as too serious or uninterested, because they tend to get absorbed in their work. Likable people balance their passion for their work with their ability to have fun. At work they are serious, yet friendly. They still get things done because they are socially effective in short amounts of time and they capitalize on valuable social moments. They focus on having meaningful interactions with their coworkers, remembering what people said to them yesterday or last week, which shows people that they are just as important to them as their work is.

3. Whipping out your phone.

There is nothing more annoying than a person who can’t make an eye contact because he/ she checks his/ her phone every 5 seconds. When you commit to a conversation, focus all of your energy on the conversation. You’ll find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse yourself in them.

4. Name-dropping.
It’s great to know important and interesting people, but using every conversation as an opportunity to name-drop is pretentious and silly. Just like humble-bragging, people see right through it. Instead of making you look interesting, it makes people feel as though you’re insecure.

5. Gossiping.
People make themselves look terrible when they get carried away with gossiping. Wallowing in talk of other people’s misdeeds or misfortunes may end up hurting their feelings if the gossip ever finds its way to them, but gossiping is guaranteed to make you look negative and spiteful every time. This also leads for people to mistrust you in a many ways.

6. Having a closed mind.
If you want to be likable, you must be open-minded, which makes you approachable and interesting to others. If your officemates ask you to go for a swim and you said no, it is okay. If they ask you out again on another getaway and you said no, then you lose the opportunity of being friends with them. This is just an example of the many things that you should keep your mind open. To experiencing new ideas, adventures and so on.

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