We all have that one friend who’s unafraid to tell us if we are being stupid in love. Well, if you don’t have one, at least we all have that online ‘kuya’ to run to every time we feel like we are being blinded by our own feelings.
The Filipino Times 2019 Awardee Darbie Kim Estrebilla known as Kuya Darbs of Real Talk Darbs shares nine Real Talk advises to our TFT readers on its 9th anniversary.
1. Don’t love based on potential
Darbs Kim advise people to “love only on the actuality of what the person is giving to you and not the potential.”
“The problem with people is they fall in love with the poet and not with the poetry. So kahit wala pang ginagawa yung tao sa kanila, they like the potential of the person so they over invest. So if you over invest with someone, the problem is, if that person is not able to deliver, when expectation is there, disappointment usually happens when persons fails to deliver,” said Darbs Kim.
2. Never base your feelings on just a spark
Love based on decision and not on spark.
Darbs Kim believes that people should “love someone even if there are days that your partner is unlovable.”
“Loving someone can start with a spark or feeling but it should not be the foundation,” said Darbs.
3. Never compare your relationship
One of the major reasons why there is insecurity in relationships is because people tend to compare their relationships with couples on social media.
Darbs Kim cautions couples that what we only see online are just relationship highlights and not the entirety of a relationship. This, he believes causes couples to have unrealistic relationship standards.
“Hindi natin alam that the relationship that we have is way better than the people that we adore on social media. It has been revealed that not everything that what we see in social media are true,” said Darbs Kim.
4. They can’t steal the right man/woman
“Kung nanakaw sya ng iba, ibig sabihin, hindi ka talaga para sa kanya. And it’s their problem now, not yours. That’s a major indiction na the person that was stolen or ‘nagpaagaw’ is not really for you. Kasi nagpaagaw siya. There might be pain and rejection on that, but at the end of the day, hindi ka napunta sa taong maagaw lang naman pala,” stated Darbs.
5. Don’t be defined by your mistakes
“Greatest lesson can be learned through a mistake,” said Darbs.
He encourages all TFT readers to look beyond one’s past or better yet use it as a fuel to become better.
“You’ll never meet a strong person with an easy past. The reason why there are people who outperform other people is not because of the right things that they did but because of the learnings that they got from their learnings before. Use the mistake as a platform to learn so that you’ll become wiser, greater and better next time,” said Darbs.
6. Know the fine line between self worth and self entitlement
“When you are in a line at pumila ka and someone comes in front of you, you won’t allow that person to cut you off because you know that you deserve to be there in the line. So that’s self worth, you don’t allow someone to devalue you. Entitlement is when a person feels as if he needs to be in front of the line without actually queuing, so that what entitlement means,” said Darbs.
Darbs said is important to note in a relationship as it will serve as one’s compass to know whether it is still worth to stay in a relationship.
7. Focus on taking action instead telling everyone how things should be
Ideas are nothing without execution.
“Knowledge is not power, executing on what you know is where the power lies. There’s a lot of people who knows a lot of things but they are being outperformed by people who knows less but executes more,” he said.
8. Don’t value others’ opinion
Darbs thinks that majority of us are prisoners of people’s opinion.
“We overvalue what people thinks. Most people stop dreaming and achieving, or do things that makes them happy just because yung nanay nila, ynug mga tita nila, o yung mga kapitbahay nila, kung ano na lang ang sasabihin. And hence we conform, and hence we stop achieving. People are not scared to fail, people are just scared of the judgement when they fail,” shared Kim.
9. Do things that make you happy
“You die once but you live ever single day. Use that to do the things you love and what makes you happy,” said Darbs.
He believes that “hard work beats every talent” so doing things that make people happy should be everyone’s guiding compass towards determining what one wants to do in his lifetime.
“If you’re happy with what you are doing, you are not even gonna notice the time that you put into something because you’re happy doing it. If you find that thing that makes you happy, be self aware enough of the things that makes you feel alive, once you find that success will follow,” said Darbs.
Darbs Kim was recognized as the New Media Personality of the Year 2019. He is one with many online personalities to greet TFT on its 9th anniversary.
