Cheating is one of the major reasons for the destruction of a relationship. Trust gets broken, one’s self-worth is doubted, and often, it results in mental struggles. It’s definitely not an easy thing to get through, but many people find themselves forgiving their partner and giving them another chance.
But until when should one forgive? What is the limit in terms of giving the offending party another clean slate?
In its straw poll segment “Tanong Ng Bayan,” The Filipino Times asked netizens until when are they willing to forgive—only once, or twice and more?
The reactions from the Filipino community on social media are mixed, with some choosing to forgive only once, and others willing to give multiple chances.
Netizen Hope Montaño Amores said that as long as she can, she will choose to forgive especially if there are kids involved. “Siguro kung mag-asawa na kayo at may mga anak na, pwede ko bigyan ng second chance o higit pa alang-alang sa mga anak. Pero lahat may hangganan, bigyan mo siya ng warning na mawawala kayo ng mga anak mo. Matatakot na siya ulitin ‘yon ulit,” she said.
Amores added that the issue is different for married couples from those who are in a relationship. “Iba ang sitwasyon kapag mag-boyfriend at mag-girlfriend pa lang kayo. Siguro doon wala na dapat second chance kasi hindi pa kayo mag-asawa. Pero kapag nakatali ka na sa kanya, mahirap ang basta-basta kumawala,” she said.
Lean Asuncion, for her part, said that until she can handle it, she can forgive.
“Hangga’t kayang ipaglaban, magpapatawad. Ang mga artista nga na magaganda, natutukso pa ang mga partner nila ng iba pero binibigyan pa din nila ng second chance. Sa palagay ko, if mahal mo talaga ‘di mo bibitiwan. Minsan, gusto lang makita ng partner natin kung hanggang saan tatag at pagmamahal sa kanya,” she said.
In a study called “Forgiveness of Sexual Cheating in Romantic Relationships: Effects of Discovery Method, Frequency of Offense, and Presence of Apology” by American Psychologists Patrick R. Gunderson and Joseph R. Ferrari, results showed that people are likely to forgive their partners especially if an apology was offered.
It added that there is a likelihood that victims may choose to take their offenders’ “perspective and understand why the transgression occurred, making them less inclined to perceive it as malicious or deliberate.”
Other netizens, however, answered that they are only willing to forgive their partner once.
“Ako ang babae na no patience pagdating sa ganitong sitwasyon, kaya kapag niloko pa ako ulit, goodbye na lang. My life does not rely on him,” answered Rodelyn Timtim Escubanez.
Netizen Anabelle Zate Fernandez said that one lapse is okay, because if your partner really loves you, he/she will try his/her best to stay loyal and not repeat the mistake. “Everyone makes mistakes pero if paulit-ulit na, ibang usapan na ‘yon. If mahal mo, then you should be willing to let go and if he/she truly loves you he/she will fight for that love whatever it takes. In my opinion, a second chance is enough,” she said.
According to American non-profit academic medical center Mayo Clinic, forgiveness is important to give not just to the partner, but also to yourself. It lessens mental health symptoms that accompany the discovery of cheating.
The center added that what matters is focusing on “what you are feeling, what actions you have taken, how you are practicing self-care in the aftermath, and what you want to do moving forward.”
