In this age of career pursuits and personal goals, for many people, falling in love is not the end-all of things. Today, many of us believe that choosing our success trumps a happy relationship. If you have seen the blockbuster film “Hello, Love, Goodbye,” you will see this reality nowadays—that many people, especially millennials, prefer to follow their ambition rather than to stay happy in love.
It’s not an easy decision to make, sure. Who wouldn’t want to miss out on falling in love and finding the one? But with the reality kicking in and career ladders pushing us down, choosing self-preservation is fast becoming the new trend in society.
The Filipino Times, through its poll segment, “Tanong ng Bayan,” asked Filipinos if they would rather have a lot of money but no love life, or have no money but the heart is happy.
Around 93% chose money over a happy relationship.
Money can’t buy food
Netizen Ibrahim Imus said that even if you’re single, you are still loved by your family. “Okay na ako sa maraming pera kahit walang love life, basta nandyan ang pamilya mo na magmamahal sayo,” he said.
Many netizens also believe that for most instances, even happy relationships still go south once hunger knocks on the door.
Sheik Bin Butchie, one of the netizens who participated in the poll, said “I choose madaming pera, pero kapos sa love life dahil hindi nasasaing ang pag ibig.”
Netizen Claribelle Paglinawan added, “Hindi naman nakakabusog ang lovelife, pero ang pera, nakakabili ng pagkain.”
Another netizen, Ray Labrador, said that a relationship can only be happy if both can afford to put food on the table. “Walang masayang love life kung walang pera, dahil gutom lang ang aabutin. Mag-aaway lang kayo kung wala kayong pambili ng pagkain,” he said.
“Hindi tayo mabubuhay sa masayang love life lang. Aanhin mo ‘yon kung kakalam naman ang sikmura niyo?” added netizen Dhee Leander Practical.
According to American psychologist Aaron Ben-Zeév, there have been various studies that found a positive connection between having money and happiness. He added that it may not buy long-term happiness, but it can definitely help create circumstances that induce certain types of happiness—including being able to afford food. Money, he added, can improve our daily situations in a way that can provide more fulfillment.
Love life: a waste of time
Other netizens who leaned towards money also said love life is a waste of time and money.
According to Samiran Farm, “Money can create a love life, but love life cannot create money. Therefore, I choose money.”
Overseas Filipino Worker Thea Dia Alcones, for her part, said that her happiness lies on being able to provide for her kids. “I choose money even if I won’t have a love life, because if I can spoil my kids with what they want, then I’ll be truly happy,” she said.
In his book “On Compromise and Rotten Compromises”, philosopher Avishai Margalit said that money and love can be likened to economics and religion. These two ideas of politics differ when it comes to compromise. He said in economics, there are a lot of chances for flexibility. Love, like a religion, is full of rules that cannot be bent. There is a small room for compromise especially when family matters enter the scenario. For instance, would you think it is just ethical to go live your life and spend money on your own needs at the expense of not being able to feed your spouse and family?
There is also the issue of monogamy, which for many, is non-negotiable. Millennials nowadays do not have time for principles that hardly offers a compromise to chase one’s success—a reason why they would rather be successful on their own, where they can be flexible to themselves about their own goals and lifestyle needs.
Choosing good ‘ol heart
However, there are a few Filipinos who would still choose a happy relationship over money. Around 21 percent of the netizens who participated in the pool believes that life is still better if you’re with the right person, because money is only superficial.
Evelyn Amor-Adlaon said, “Mas magandang mamuhay ng masaya ang love life kahit kapos sa pera. Madali lang makahanap ng pera basta madiskarte ka lang sa buhay. Pero ang true love, mahirap hanapin ‘yan.”
For Rhadz Lapinid Tangaro, the happiness you get from true love cannot be bought.
“Kahit kapos ka, ang kasiyahan mo hindi matutumbasan ng pera. It is important to be happy in love because life is too short,” he said.
Eva Valverde also believes that anyone working hard can earn money, but not everyone can just have a love life in a snap. “Mas pipiliin ko ang maging masaya ang love life kahit walang pera, because love cannot be found easily. Ang pera makukuha mo basta magtrabaho ka lang,” she said.
August Leone, for her part, said that she would have a happy love life than money, citing that she used to have a problematic marriage even though they had money. “Marami nga kaming pera but our marriage was hell. So I would rather choose na kapos sa pera pero masaya ang love life,” she said.
